Today, October 10, is World Mental Health Day, which aims to raise awareness for issues surrounding mental health.
One way to raise awareness is by increasing the conversations about mental health. However, for many, it can be difficult to offer support to others if they don’t know the right words to say.
To shed light on this conversation, U.S. Figure Skating sport psychologists Caroline Silby, PhD, MEd and Lauren McHenry, PhD, CMPC, NCC discuss how various members of the skating community can best support skaters struggling with their mental health.
How can teammates and other skating community members support those struggling with their mental health?
You may wonder what you should say to someone struggling with their mental health, and people often don’t say anything out of fear for saying the “wrong” thing. We want to encourage you that simply being there with and for someone is often more impactful than the words you may say. Two actions you can provide to others are unconditional acceptance and belief which both can be shown through your willingness to stand by the person’s side in difficult times.
Hint: Here are some phrases to get you started:
- "Let's do x, y, z together!" Simply being “with” someone who is struggling by meeting them where they are can have a profound impact. For example, sharing a cup of tea together with some storytelling and laughter can fuel motivation, support and comfort.
- “I know it’s difficult AND I’m proud of you." This acknowledgment that behavior change takes work paired with recognition of the courage it takes to open oneself to those changes can fuel motivation. You might be proud of a friend, teammate or community member for telling the truth or opening themselves up to the support being offered.
- "You're worth to me is not conditional." Hearing from someone that you are worth more than what you are going through or more than what you are accomplishing is an important step in alleviating the shame associated with mental health concerns.
- "I might not understand, but if you need someone to talk to, I will help as much as I can." The focus here is on listening, understanding and learning how you can best support the person through this time.
- "How are you?" Emphasize the “you” as a person rather than asking about the person’s problem or performance.
- “Asking for help is one of the bravest things you can do.” Smash the stigma yourself by letting the person know that you do not view seeking help for mental health challenges as a weakness, but rather that you recognize it is truly an act of courage. Consider offering to help them get connected to support from qualified professionals.
How can parents, coaches and other adults recognize and help their athletes with mental health?
- As members of this extraordinary skating community, it can be powerful to ask ourselves how we can “be” to consistently contribute to creating a culture and community that provides a haven for those around us to compete, challenge and change. Parents, coaches and others can can educate themselves to recognize signs and symptoms of mental health concerns and suicide prevention. Consider completing:
- Mental Health First Aid: A skills-based training course that teaches participants about mental health and substance use issues, including how to recognize signs and symptoms and how to respond appropriately to help someone experiencing a mental health challenge. Courses are available for adult mental health and youth mental health. In some areas, teen courses are available for teens to complete and learn about their own and their peer’s mental health.
- QPR Institute: A collection of courses, including a course specifically for coaches, that teach participants how to recognize the warning signs of a suicide crisis and to question, persuade and refer someone to help.
- TrueSport: A collection of free resources for parents, coaches, athletes and administrators looking to explore mental wellness through the lens of youth sport.
- Build your team. You don’t need to be an expert on mental health, but it can be helpful to proactively secure a point person or two who can assist you in a timely manner when warranted. Mental performance education and training is the first line of defense to mitigating mental health concerns before they emerge. Allowing your athlete to consistently have touchpoints with a mental performance provider who is trained to recognize and refer mental health problems is a proactive step you can take to help athletes build a strong foundation of skills to navigate the inherent pressures in athletic competition.
- Build your team. You don’t need to be an expert on mental health, but it can be helpful to proactively secure a point person or two who can assist you in a timely manner when warranted. Mental performance education and training is the first line of defense to mitigating mental health concerns before they emerge. Allowing your athlete to consistently have touchpoints with a mental performance provider who is trained to recognize and refer mental health problems is a proactive step you can take to help athletes build a strong foundation of skills to navigate the inherent pressures in athletic competition.
- Understand that athletic performance is determined and enhanced by at least 40 physical and psychological factors. When we overemphasize one of those factors (for example, body composition) more than the other factors, this can increase the risk of an athlete developing or worsening a mental health condition and ultimately disrupt the healthy alignment of body, mind and spirit.
- A.F.F.I.R.M.:
- A ‑ Give Affection regardless of performance outcome. Athletes need to know that their failures and successes don't affect the extent to which parents and coaches value and support them. Unconditional regard gives children a haven from which to launch lofty dreams and ambitions. Conversely, children who believe their worthiness in the eyes of their family members, friends or coaches increases with every medal or trophy will most likely buckle under the weight of unrealistic expectations. You can express unconditional regard by communicating to children and athletes that your respect, belief and acceptance of them is based on who they are rather than what they accomplish. The pursuit of excellence is then transformed from a daunting task to a realistic goal.
- F ‑ Be Focused - It is the parents’ job to develop the child and the coach's job to develop the champion. So, as a parent, try to minimize detailed, technical discussions about performance with your child. Instead encourage your children to establish productive goal setting and practice habits and put your efforts into creating a strong network and partnership of support where strengths of athlete, coach and parent can shine together!
- F ‑ Be Flexible ‑ At the first sign of success, single-minded parents and coaches place their budding athletes on the fast track to the Olympics without taking time to find out the athlete’s goals and objectives. (And without considering the needs and timeline of child development). Allow your agenda to be set by what is best for children's long-term health and well-being, not short-term goals. Being flexible enables both you and your athlete to enjoy the journey more fully.
- I ‑ Interact without dominating the conversation. Supportive parents and coaches listen to their athletes more than they talk. Parents and coaches can provide great comfort for children and athletes by creating a safe environment in which children know it is acceptable to express true feelings of loss and disappointment. Listen for descriptive words that express how your children feel about themselves and their performances. By listening to your children, you communicate to them that their thoughts and feelings are worthy of expression, and you respect them and their sport experience.
- R ‑ Reframe ‑ Remind your children and athletes of the bigger picture, which includes long-term goals, and other aspects of their life such as academics, friendships, family and spirituality. Your guidance and feedback affirm sport is only one aspect of a multidimensional life. This truth serves as a valuable balance to the pressures of competition.
- M ‑ Model‑ Parents and coaches are some of the most powerful role models for children. Kids learn valuable coping skills watching trusted adults deal with difficult situations. Don’t be afraid to seek support for your own mental health and prioritize activities and relationships that support alignment for your own mind, body and spirit! Your personal life experiences can provide powerful learning opportunities for children and athletes.
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